After Love
by thementalistluver
Summary: Aria has just found out about Ezra and it feels like her world is crumbling around her. Seeking a friend to talk to, she turns to Holden. They rekindle their friendship just as things start to go bad. A has plans, big ones. Ezra seems to have plans of his own too. Things are getting dangerous in Rosewood. (Takes place after 4x20)
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter One**_

This was not happening.

Aria lay in bed crying, thinking about the events of the past couple of hours, willing them to not be real. Ezra, her Ezra, whom she had loved and wanted more than anything in the world, was not even close to being the man she'd believed him to be. He had known Alison. He had lied to her about everything.

This seemed just like the kind of stunt Ali would pull; seduce someone to get what you want. Her style was written all over it. They would have been perfect for each other.

She closed her eyes but a million questions swarmed around in her brain, each one more painful than the last, stopping her from drifting very far into unconsciousness. The only thing she truly wanted to know the answer to though, was "did he even love me?". Everything they'd ever done, every experience, every touch and every kiss, had it really all been a lie?

Her heart ached more than it ever had before. This was worse than the time she had found out about Byron's affair. This time, her heart felt like someone had taken a hammer and cracked it into a thousand minuscule pieces. It was more than anger that raged inside her, it was betrayal. Betrayed by the one man she had thought would be there no matter what. He had even understood about the Jenna thing all those years ago, but now, she realized, it was only because he was doing something so much worse.

Aria turned onto her side and saw the book. It was still in the same position on the floor where it had landed after she'd thrown it in rage. In the moment it had felt therapeutic, but now she craved more. She wanted to yell at him and hit him and make Ezra feel all the pain she felt ten times over. Yet, at the same time, she wished to never see his face again.

"Aria?"

For a second, Aria could have sworn the voice sounded like his, but as the door to her bedroom pushed open, she saw Mike standing there, illuminated by the hallway light. He held a box of tissues awkwardly in his hand. It was a nice gesture, but right now, all she wanted more than anything was to be alone.

"Aria?" He said again, taking a tentative step forward "I, uh, could hear you in my room. Thought you might want these"

"Thanks" She snapped, sounding slightly angrier than she meant to. It wasn't Mike she was mad at after all. Taking the box from his reached out hand; she attempted a very pitiful smile "I'll be alright" Total lie.

"Ok" Mike said "I mean, I know I'm probably not the best person to talk to but if you do need someone to listen to you, I can try my best."

"Alright" She pulled the blankets up higher around her head, signaling the conversation was over.

He stood there for a second, unsure of what to do, before finally leaving and shutting the door behind him. She couldn't talk to anybody, how could they possibly understand? Her secret boyfriend whom she'd risked everything to be with had known her supposedly dead friend who was now really alive and he had decided to write a story about it. Talk about crazy.

The idea of going to school the next day, where she would have to see Spencer, Emily and Hanna, just added to her pain. Even a drug induced Spencer had seen something was off about Ezra before her. Granted, she had believed he was A, but that was impossible. Despite the horrible nature of what he had done, Aria firmly believed that Ezra couldn't hurt a fly.

A part of her wondered where he was right now. Probably at his apartment, in bed like she was. Was he going through memories of her like she was of him?

No!

She was going to stop thinking about him. Sleep was what she needed. Things would make sense in the morning. Maybe this was all just a dream…

The next morning was a struggle to get out of bed. In the one second after she had woken, last night hadn't been present in her brain, but then it all came flooding back. It took an extremely long pep talk and a hot shower before Aria even began to feel slightly human. Standing before the mirror, she looked like hell. Her eyes had dark circles around them from the constant drifting in and out of sleep, her nose was puffy from the crying that never seemed to end and she had tied back her hair into a ponytail, choosing to wear a simple pair of black leggings and a hoodie.

Walking zombiefied through the house, she noticed everyone was already gone. Looking at the clock, she saw why. It was late. Like really late. Like an hour after school had started late. The fact, surprisingly, didn't faze her. The unbearable pain from yesterday had subsided into a numbness that settled over her brain and her limbs.

Then a thought hit. He was her teacher. Oh god, how had this thought not occurred before? Every day, she would have to sit in that classroom and pretend to care about the words that came out of his mouth, when in reality, she had stopped caring the moment she had seen that book. There was no way she was going to that building. How could she ever again?

So going on impulse, and maybe a little insanity, Aria got in the car and drove. She didn't know where she was headed but something told her she needed to get out of town. Everything here was a reminder of him. About five minutes after leaving the city limits, she pulled onto the side of the road and took out her cell phone. There was one person she could talk to. Punching in the digits she had memorised, her hand slightly shook. Voicemail cut in.

"Hey, it's me" Her voice didn't even sound the same as she left the message "I know we haven't talked in a while and I don't even know where you are, but I really need someone right now. Please, call me back." Her voice cracked, the tears threatening to spill "Ok, well, bye"


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter Two_**

He didn't call back right away. It was almost an hour later, before the phone in Arias hand started to ring. She was still on the side of the road, staring simply out the window, watching the cars go by. There were five unread messages on the phone from her friends, but she didn't have the energy to message back. They could wait.

"Hello" She answered eagerly

"Aria? At the sound of Holden's voice, she instantly relaxed, remembering easier times. It had been ages since they'd last talked. He had just upped and left, without saying a word in person, let alone a goodbye, choosing to text to say that he was alright but had to leave. No explanations; nothing. She now realized with a pang in her stomach that she had missed him more than she'd thought. Holden had been a part of her life just as much as any one of her friends. "Are you ok?"

"I don't know" Aria sighed "What are you doing now?"

"Honestly, I'm sitting on the couch playing x-box"

A smile crept onto her face and right then, all the pain of before was gone and she was just a normal teenager again, talking to her friend. "The almighty Holden Strauss reduced to wasting his life on the couch? What happened to the boy I used to know that risked his life just to live it?"

"Well, that boy got caught by his parents and is now being monitored 24/7 to make sure he's good." He laughed a bitter laugh

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I'll find a way away from here soon enough"

"I'm guessing this means you aren't attending school at the moment?" Aria began to get to the point of the call

"I'm taking that you aren't either" His eye roll was as obvious as if she were standing beside him

"No" She carefully chose her words. Ezra's face popped into her mind, the way it did every time she finally stopped thinking about him. His beautiful brown hair that she'd loved to run her fingers through, eyes that had looked at her in a million different ways, and smile that had lit up rooms. "I can't go there now, which is why I phoned actually. Can you meet me for a coffee?"

Holden hesitated for a second and she thought he was going to say no. If he did, she would have to return home, crawl back in bed and suffer in solitude. But that felt like giving up and giving up was not an option. That meant Ezra had succeeded in hurting her. It meant she was weak.

"Sure thing" He answered "I'm sure it'll be fine with my jail keepers. Where do you want to go? The Brew?"

"No! Um, actually, do you think you could meet me in Philadelphia? At that coffee place we went to that time?"

"Sure" He sounded slightly puzzled at the location but went with it anyway "I'll see you in thirty. We have lots to catch up on"

"See you. Bye"

"Bye"

The drive to Philly was quicker than she'd thought. Aria cranked the radio, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel as she drove. A newfound spark was igniting her body, giving a boost of energy. The clouds above didn't seem so dark now and the sky looked brighter. The sun was only peeking out slightly, but it was as if its radiance lit everything up.

Not many people were on the roads, already at work, and it gave a new perspective to the place. No longer crowded with cars, the view was actually not that bad. It was a nice place here. A part of Aria wished that her parents had lived here. That her and Mike had grown up far away from Alison Dilaurentis' influence. Thinking about that life was peaceful. There would be no more A, no more secrets and nobody dying every time they came close to the truth. But then again, she wouldn't have met her three best friends in the entire world. Without Emily, Hanna and Spencer, her life wouldn't be as special.

Aria pulled the car into the parking lot of the coffee shop and got out. It was located on a quiet street. Not many people knew about this place which made it the perfect spot to hang out. Holden had dragged her here the previous year, insisting that it served the best coffee in the state. It hadn't been that bad but she'd still prefer coffee from the Brew any day .

Inside, round tables were set up on one side of the room and a lounging area on the other side. Pictures of places all around the world hung on the wall from the owner's trips abroad. They were beautiful sceneries; a beach in Fiji, the Eiffel tower, a castle in Scotland. One day Aria dreamed of being that good of a photographer.

A couple of customers were browsing on laptops and sipping hot drinks, but no Holden. She ordered a latte, took a seat at a table and waited. It wasn't long before the bell over the door went off and in he came. Hands in pocket, wearing a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt he walked through the door.

Instantly, Aria could tell he had changed. His body was more muscular and his hair was slightly shorter. Catching sight of her, he smiled that goofy grin he'd had since childhood. Still same good old Holden.

"Hey!" He bent over and gave her a quick hug. His arms wrapped tightly around her body, squeezing slightly. Taking a seat he looked her over "Wow, you look like hell"

"Well don't sugar- coat it"

"Sorry" He grinned even bigger "It's just that it's been awhile since I've had any proper social interaction."

"So you say" Aria slipped into conversation like it was the simplest thing ever and maybe it was. Holden was easy to talk to. No pressure to keep her secrets here, they'd grown up knowing everything about the other "I think you owe me an explanation. What happened to you?"

"Aria" he sighed

"Holden" She replied with the same tone

"I didn't come here to talk about me. I came here because you sounded upset. What's wrong?" His eyes held concern and he leaned closer, putting his elbows up on the table "Talk to me"

A scowl formed on her face. An internal debate was going on in her brain. She'd come here fully prepared to talk and spill her guts out until she could no longer speak, but now, just being here, with no presence of Ezra, it felt wrong to bring him up and ruin yet another place.

Holden stared expectantly, waiting for an answer to the questions that he must have inside him. She stared back, teeth pressing down on lower lip, contemplating what to do. The sounds from the shop seemed to disappear as their mini stare off lengthened; it was just the two of them in their own personal bubble, separate from the world.

"Fine" Holden exhaled, popping the bubble "How about if I tell you my tale, you tell me what's been bothering you? Ok?"

"Ok" Compromise was good, she could work with it

"So, you know how we were fake dating while you went off with your guy and me to martial arts?" He started "Well, one night when I came home from school, my dad was sitting in the living room with a letter in his hands. I still don't know who it came from but someone had told him about what I was doing, even had pictures to prove it and everything. We got into this massive fight. It was pretty ugly. Somehow we reached the decision that I would stop immediately with the martial arts and be sent off to some institution in Brookhaven that specialized in relaxation. Next thing I knew I was on a plane"

"Wow" Aria hadn't been expecting that. He paused taking a breath, gauging her reaction "Go on" She pressed

"I got my school work done there. It was crazy. Days were spent in a spa and nights in classes. I'd never heard of a place like it before. They had maximum security too. Guards were stationed at every exit, making sure no one escaped and trust me a lot of us wanted to. Finally, my parents deemed me good enough to return home, so a couple of days ago they came to get me... The weirdest part about it all though, was the letter. I can't think of anyone who would want to do that to me"

"You didn't recognize the writing?" Aria asked "I'm assuming they didn't sign it"

"It was typed. And they did sign it… sort of. It was from A. I'm guessing that stood for anonymous"

Aria froze with her cup halfway to her lips "A?" She squeaked

"Yup. Strange, right?"

She nodded. A had sent Holden away, that much was obvious. This couldn't be a coincidence. A hadn't bothered with him before and Aria had somehow foolishly believed that he would be safe. But no one was. A struck anyone even remotely close to the girls.

"I do believe it's your turn" Holden reached over and took her cup from her, taking a swig of it himself "Why did you call me in such a panic?"

What was she supposed to say now? The plan had been to tell him about Ezra and somehow, about A. But now, how could she? If he knew that she was the reason he got caught, he'd be super mad. God, somehow she blamed Ezra for this. She wasn't sure exactly, but this was somehow his fault. It felt good to blame him. Aria opened her mouth to say something, anything, when the ringtone of her cell phone went off. It was Em calling. This wasn't the best of times. She hit the ignore button, silencing the device.

"So?" Holden said

The phone started going off again. This time it was Hanna. Again, like before, she silenced it, with an apologetic look at Holden.

"Uh…Well-" She shot a look at the device, now lit up with Spencer's name "I'm sorry Holden, I'm going to have to take this"

"Sure"

"Spence" She snapped, taking a step away from Holden's listening ears "This is not a good time"

"Aria?" Her voice sounded frantic. Aria wondered if this was the way she'd sounded to Holden earlier "Oh my god, you're ok. Where are you?"

"I'm in Philadelphia with Holden. Why?"

"The three of us got a text from A, saying you were basically in mortal danger. I nearly had a heart attack. We've been trying to reach you for over an hour"

"Clearly, I'm Ok." She snapped again, lowering down her voice "I don't know why, but A's just messing with you guys. Now if you don't mind, I have to go"

"Aria, wait!" Spencer yelled

"What?"

"We need to talk. Something happened today, something to do with Ezra. We really need your help… I need your help" She sounded serious

Aria glanced back at Holden, who was staring at his hands in boredom waiting. This was exactly the opening she needed, to get out of her Ezra explanation, without making Holden suspicious of anything A related and saving him from A's torturous grip again. They would just have to catch up another time.

"Ok. I'm leaving now" She hung up before she changed her mind. She turned back. Holden seemed to have caught the last part of their conversation "I'm really sorry but I've got to go. That was Spencer, there was an –er- emergency and she needs me"

"Oh, ok" He looked disappointed "Well, can I call you tonight?"

"Sure thing" Aria gave him a hug good-bye "See ya"

"Bye…" He called after her for she was already walking away

Getting into the car she slammed the door closed so hard that it felt like it would come off in her hands. This was all too much. Every thought running through her brain was Ezra, Ezra, Ezra. It wouldn't go away! A tear slipped from her eye and she quickly wiped it away.

The ding of her phone brought her attention elsewhere. She'd thought it was one of the girls but upon inspection, it was an unknown number. Hands shaking, she opened the message.

**Oh Aria, when will you learn? Boys can't keep secrets. Just ask Ezra. Consider this one a favor, from me to you. You're better off without Holden anyways - A**


End file.
